I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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