she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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