she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
