It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
