did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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