do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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