It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
