I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Michael Bay diarrhea
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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