There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
