Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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