i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
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I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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