How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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