I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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