Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
