the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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