I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.