You're my little dorito
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.