I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Houston, we have a squirter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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