Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
