Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
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Even my vagina gasped.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?