Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
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Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
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Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?