So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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