you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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