I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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