You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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