No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
