Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
