I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
