Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
