I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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