burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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