are you still at the devil's house?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
