If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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