omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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