You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Two words: nipple clamps
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