She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
