Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
When are your genitals available?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
