i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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