My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
