ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
