i need an iv and a liver transplant
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
