please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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