so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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