You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
