if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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