I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize