im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize