...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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