i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
