My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
