I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
