your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
