yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
