so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
