I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
