Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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