Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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