"it" just moved
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
