It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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