Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
