Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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