The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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