i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
