Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
