Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
