Sry I called you an 8
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
