My hand turned me down
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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