dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
