So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
