im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
