Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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