; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
