I look better un-naked...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
