I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
