I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
