vagina is talking i cant
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
