I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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