Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
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Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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