He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
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It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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