i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
