Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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