Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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