i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
