Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
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Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
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A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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