Moan for me like Helen Keller
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
