I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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